Life, to me, always seems to be easier for almost everyone else. Which brings me to another reason for starting this blog… I’ve always felt that the story of someone truly disadvantaged needs to be told. You see, there’s other blogs and books written about being poor, homeless, or living in your car, that are written by people who either willingly gave up six-figure salaries and prestigious careers, or lost them through unfortunate circumstances. And yes, street life is hard, I know that first hand, but I have a real tough time feeling too sorry Ivy league graduates who’ve lived the good life and either lost it or gave it up by choice. And then they get back on their feet through writing a popular blog or getting a book deal, but you don’t hear any stories from people like me who’ve never had anything. And I don’t mean just money. I mean to truly have nothing. To come from poverty, to live in poverty, to be homeless… No rich parents to put you through college, no good looks to sail on, or any talents to work with. I have heard a few stories of others born to poor families who write about it and get rich, and I couldn’t help but think, “Well, geez, if I looked like a supermodel, I’d be a success story too!”  But life isn’t so easy for everyone. For some of us, life doesn’t work out. For some of us, nothing ever works out. And that’s the story of my life. That’s what I’m here to tell.

So, as I was saying, it must be easier for the former suburban-$500,000 townhouse-soccer-moms to start out as a mobile homeless person when they’ve had the resources to have bought their car brand new and can trust that it will run for years to come and cross the country without fail. But what if you come from poverty? For me, I honestly never expected to have a driver’s license in my lifetime. That’s the kind of poverty I come from. My parents wouldn’t let me learn to drive at 16 like most people, and I had no friends to help me either. And then with being homeless and poor, I never thought I would drive. And now I’ve only had a license for four years – licensed at the age of 26. I saw a car in the newspaper for $300. And not just a car, but my dream car. A car that as a kid, I liked and wanted. And when I saw it in real life for the first time, I fell completely in love with it and bought it. A mid-80’s Chrysler Le Baron – the most gorgeous cars ever made. Unfortunately though, they’re total bombs. Especially mine. None of the previous owners took care of it. Not at all.

As much as I’d love to show my baby off, I won’t, for purposes of privacy and anonymity. But, just because it’s kind of interesting, my favorite car was also Frank Sinatra’s favorite car.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See, isn’t that a GORGEOUS car?!? (In my opinion, mine is even more gorgeous than that. The Le Barons are absolutely stunning in burgundy!)

I’m going to miss it though. The time has come to give up on my baby. It’s got a new engine, new transmission, new starter, all new suspension, and so much else has been replaced, and it still can barely get to the mailbox and back. Even if some more ‘cheaper’ fixes could make my car run a little better, the point is, it wouldn’t get me 10 miles out of town, let alone 1000+. I need more than a daily beater, I need a good long distance car. I need something I can live in for years to come. So my decision to buy another car is extremely critical. To make matters more complicated, I don’t have a dime to my name. I only have credit.

And I’ve gone out on a limb for my family, getting credit cards for us to live off of for the past few years. Now (including my student loans), I’m around $10,000 in debt. But anyway, as I was saying, I’ve gone out on a limb, maxing out 4 credit cards to buy groceries, medicine, and everything else needed for our survival, and of course, it’s not even appreciated. That’s why I want to get out of here. I’m 30 years old, beaten, tired, and defeated. But deep inside, I’m not quite dead yet, you know. But my family’s negative attitudes, negative view of me and their controlling-ness has just become too draining to bear any longer.

But before I can leave, I need a car to get me out of here, and I only have $2000 (of credit) with which to find something that doesn’t have nearly 200,000 miles on it. And that’s hard to do in my area. Once again, if I lived in a city where things are normal, you can find $1000 used cars. But here, used cars start at $4000, rock bottom. And even at $4-5k, you’re only going to get something comparable to what I have now: a mid-late 80’s model with 180,000 miles on it. So you see, I have a very hard decision to make. Whatever car I buy, I have to live in. It’s easier for people who’ve had money and have decent cars to start out with. I have nothing and come from nothing, and my life and the lives of my cats depend on whatever car I do get.

So I’m sorry that I can’t feel too terribly sorry for people who have lived life on easy street. Some of us out there don’t come from money or have any resources to work with.